I find myself trying to write a wedding announcement for two kids who have known each other ten months, met at the beginning of '08 and have been "inseparable" since, who say that after a month they are "still" madly in love. And I feel like someone watching a car crash about to happen.
Am I cynical here, or correct? or just wounded? or all three? The words she was saying in the brief phone interview were almost word for word L's dumb excuses for leaving me to marry someone new.
But also, in a lifetime measured in decades, what can we glean in months?
More importantly, how do I bite my tongue for long enough to write an announcement?
Most importantly, how did I get so damn jaded?
About Me
- De.Corday
- Charlote de Corday, a figure of the French Revolution, was a rebel against the rebellion, an individual in a war of sides. Charlotte de Corday has thus become my nom de guerre as an individual caught up in a world that speaks in borders rather than content. I am quite simply a student of philosophy and theories of government, a musician and a coffee addict, returned to my native urban New Jersey to find a place rapidly gentrifying, changing, growing--whatever you want to call it, only to move to Brooklyn and act as the other side of that coin. I am trying to make art after four years of academy, trying to feel for an ever elusive home... also trying to keep my car running. Trying to live and work and create in a way that each is copacetic to the other two. I currently write freelance and work for a newspaper in Lower Manhattan.
2 comments:
all three.
it does work out sometimes, the insta-marriage, but i don't know how anyone can know ahead of time. it just seems like a function of personalities x luck.
you've either got to change a lot over those few months and see that you still work well together through those changes (in which case, good for you and my blessings);
or you take your chances and maybe it works out or maybe it doesn't;
or you've got to figure neither of you is ever going to change much. which might give you a happy life together, but is nevertheless sad.
not that i'm the most unjaded person around when it comes to this.
I mean, they could live together for 10 years, marry, and then divorce when they're almost 50. I don't think there's ever a point at which you can decide you're set for life. There isn't an age or a stage of a relationship in which you can think you're done changing, or that you can adapt to any amount or kind of another's growth.
That being said, I've had my own set of circumstances this past year to make me wary of marriage and its durability. I'm honestly astonished how many people you know getting married. I thought we would be the generation who stopped believing in marriage because of what it did to our parents.
THAT being said, I admire their faith. Would like to mail-order some of it if I could. Would like to be able to discern faith from blind infatuation. (Would like to stop writing poems in comment boxes)
The sometimes painful dynamic tension of falling in love, it seems to me, is to trust what's beautiful at the moment, knowing that trust doesn't mean the other person will always do what you want them to do. Knowing that everything is impermanent, but that that doesn't mean you can't ever relax into a good thing. It means being elastic enough not to break when you fall. It means taking responsibility for the possibility of getting really damaged, but not letting yourself get deformed by it.
THAT being said, being wildly in love after a month is no great feat. I wish them luck and wisdom. They'll need them.
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