So it's been about four months since my ex-girlfriend L went off the deep end, left me for a guy she'd met a few days prior, and severed contact for such stellar reasons as "when we talk about this I feel like you're trying to make me feel guilty." (for real?) Since then, in my life, I've come across a new apartment, a new job, and started seeing someone who I instinctively trust and have come to care quite a bit for. I'm not going to say life's perfect, but it's certainly pretty grand. The band is doing really well (four shows in the next month and a half, album is done and en route to Chicago for mastering), I'm in the best shape I've ever been in in my life, I've moved to a neighborhood where I'm surrounded by my friends; and yet still, about once a week, L pops up in a dream of mine. Usually in the context of me shouting at her, or me telling her friends and boyfriend how she left me or how she lied to her now-boyfriend about our then-status. And then I wake up, really underslept. I can't quite figure it, except that maybe I'm trying to suppress everything that has to do with her in order to feel more secure about the present.
That's why I'm writing this... with the hopes that if I air it, it won't just live in my brain anymore and it'll let me get some sleep...
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1 comment:
mm. last couple sentences--
where are the ghosts to hold down these floorboards?
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i had a dream last week about seeing you and L together and realizing you were considering getting back together. i woke up pissed at both of you.
then a couple days later i had a dream about elias and gwen flirting using pseudo-greek architecture terms.
brains are awesome. they just go about their business while you're unconscious, thinking stuff through, and sometimes they let you in on what they're doing.
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